Wedding Bell Blues: Huma, Carlita and Siohvaughn and the Men in Their Lives

Weiner's wife, Kwame's spouse and D-Wade's ex may want to schedule some private time together to commiserate over a shared need.

Being with dudes in the news can give a lady the blues. Just ask Carlita, Huma, and Siohvaughn.

That would be Carlita Kilpatrick, wife of Kwame, former Detroit mayor and convicted felon; Huma Abedin, wife of Anthony Weiner, a suspected sex addict who wants to be the next mayor of New York City; and Siohvaughn Funches, the ex-wife of Dwayne Wade, whose apparent sins are that he makes a lot of money playing for the Miami Heat, and lives with an actress.

While all three ladies have experienced some highly publicized personal challenges lately – by way of the men in their lives – Siohvaughn is the first to redress her problems.

Siohvaughn Funches

Siohvaughn Funches

Claiming that she was penniless and homeless, Siohvaughn turned to guerilla marketing. She occupied a Chicago street near a court house earlier this month, and displayed a poster that blamed D-Wade for her sad situation. She also gave a lot of interviews to the news media.

Wade denied all of her allegations. According to his lawyer, Wade had been paying his former spouse $25,000 a month, her mortgage, money for automobiles, attorneys fees and a bunch of other stuff since their divorce in 2007.

Nevertheless, Wade finally agreed to pay Siohvaughn $5 million, give her four cars, and a mansion that he and his high school sweetheart had once called home. Not because he believes she deserves any of it, I suspect, but because that’s apparently what it costs to convince homeless people in Chicago to stop bad-mouthing you to reporters.

At the other end of the spectrum is Carlita Kilpatrick. She recently lost her job in Texas and her rented house. Her furniture and other belongings were moved to the street. Unknown are the whereabouts of her and her three sons.

Carlita Kilpatrick

Carlita Kilpatrick

Detroit is better off without Kwame, (notwithstanding the bankruptcy filing) but the same cannot be said of Carlita. She apparently has no marketable skills. While her husband faces a decade or two in a federal prison, she will have to fend for herself, which is neither fair to her or their three sons. Yes, she probably enjoyed the spoils of his greed during his time in office, but Carlita has not been accused of breaking any laws. She and their sons must now sift through the wreckage that Kwame left them and make some kind of life for themselves.

Carlita and Huma are similar in their staunch devotion to their men, despite the hardships those men have inflicted upon them. Indeed, Huma’s willingness to stand by her man has some observers debating whether she is the Good Wife or Dumb and Dumber.

Weiner resigned two years ago as a New York congressman after it was disclosed that he enjoyed sending sexually explicit text messages to women who were not his wife. Once Weiner was exposed, Huma expressed her commitment to him and their marriage. He got some therapy, they went on “60 Minutes,” and life went on.

Huma Abedin

Huma Abedin

Unfortunately, (or predictably, depending on your opinion of mankind), Weiner’s textual healing also went on. Recently it was discovered that he continued his salacious online chats and genital photographing after he claimed to have been healed of his randy proclivities. Moreover, Weiner used an alias during his most recent episode: Carlos Danger.

“It was a terrible mistake that I unfortunately returned to during a rough time in our marriage,” Weiner said.

His wife, meanwhile, appeared at a news conference with her husband this week where she forgave him again, expressed her love for him, and reiterated her commitment to their marriage. It was a moment that drew the disgust of some and the admiration of others.

What these three women need now is not more time with their men but more time with each other. Imagine the three of them in a safe, private place, with nice furniture and scented candles, some wine perhaps, and “Aretha Franklin’s Greatest Hits” playing in the background. (“Chain of Fools,” “I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)” “Respect,” “Do Right, Do Right Man,” etc.)

Huma could confess her true feelings for her husband. Carlita could explore job prospects with Huma. Siohvaughn could open up a wing of the mansion for Carlita and the boys, at least until times get better.

And they could all agree that you never know what will happen when you lean in to men.

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James E. Kenyon

James is the publisher and editor of Page One Post. He was a newspaper reporter in Detroit and Norfolk, VA, before working in the corporate communications departments at a number of Michigan companies. His last stint was 18 years at Chrysler Corporation, where he handled media relations, product and marketing PR and speech writing. He retired from Chrysler in 2007. He enjoys listening to jazz, good cigars and bourbon Manhattans, often at the same time. He and his partner, Melba, live in Detroit's Rosedale Park neighborhood.