Clinton vs.Trump: Picking Between Kale or Broccoli

After gorging on Sanders Kool-Aid, Cruz Pop Tarts, Huckabee Fat Burgers and other goodies, it's time for voters to eat their veggies.

How is it possible that some voters are still undecided about voting for either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump? Considering the vast differences between the two presidential candidates, picking one over the other would seem as easy as pie.

The undecided masses exist in large part because the candidates they once relished have been removed from the electoral shelves, leaving them hungry, forlorn and torn.

Remember, for example, that tasty Sanders Kool-Aid? Gone. Out of stock. The plant is shut down.

The Republicans’ shelves are even more barren. Their list of no-longer-available goodies consists of:

  • Bush Energy Drink
  • Carson Air Heads
  • Christie Crispy Cream Donuts
  • Cruz Pop Tarts
  • Fiorina Chicklets
  • Gilmore Smores
  • Graham Crackers
  • Huckabee Fat Burgers
  • Jindal Red Hots
  • Kasich Pizza on a Fork
  • Pataki White Bread
  • Paul Unsalted Mixed Nuts
  • Perry Dum Dum Pops
  • Rubio Hot Tamales
  • Santorum Sliders
  • Walker Wisconsin Waffles

People who used to put those items into their shopping carts now find themselves in candidate hell. It’s where the shelves are stacked high with packages marked “Clinton” and “Trump.” 

Those packages don’t look alike. They have different ingredients. They make different claims and promises. There are warnings in the small print on both, and those are different too. The hungry shoppers are loath to pick one or the other, however, because it feels like a no-win choice between kale and broccoli.

That should be okay, since kale and broccoli are good for you. The former is crammed with essential vitamins C, K and A, plus minerals. Kale is full of fiber and helps with digestion. It promotes heart health, healthy skin and hair, and more. Kale seems to do everything except cure voter angst.

Broccoli is the silver to kale’s gold. It contains vitamins A and K, helps lower cholesterol, has anti-inflammatory benefits, and helps the body’s detoxification system.

The problem with both, of course, is that most taste buds hate them, especially when served raw.

Both vegetables need interventions before being edible. Broccoli becomes tolerable, even tasty, when dunked raw in a dipping sauce, or steamed, seasoned and topped with butter. Kale, on the other hand, is a tough customer that needs to be hit upside the head with a cookbook, and flogged with spices, seasoning, oils and sponsors, (e.g., fruit), before being palatable.

Kale and broccoli are no one’s favorite midnight snack, much as Clinton and Trump are the most unfavorable pair of candidates this country has ever seen. But here is where the candidate-veggie analogy falls short. Kale and broccoli are good for you. It’s been argued that the same cannot be said for Hillary and Donald. No amount of butter will make them completely satisfying.

So instead of kale or broccoli, perhaps it’s better to think of Clinton vs. Trump as a choice between two used vehicles — a minivan and a station wagon. Both run great and get good mileage, but they’ve seen better days. There are lots of miles on their odometers. Both have some dents and scratches. The minivan has only one ignition key. The station wagon doesn’t have a spare tire. Recall notices are stuffed in the glove boxes of both vehicles.

You can drive away with only one at no cost, and hope that it serves you well for at least the next four years. Easy peasy.

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James E. Kenyon

James is the publisher and editor of Page One Post. He was a newspaper reporter in Detroit and Norfolk, VA, before working in the corporate communications departments at a number of Michigan companies. His last stint was 18 years at Chrysler Corporation, where he handled media relations, product and marketing PR and speech writing. He retired from Chrysler in 2007. He enjoys listening to jazz, good cigars and bourbon Manhattans, often at the same time. He and his partner, Melba, live in Detroit's Rosedale Park neighborhood.